Footin' Qtip Using Husband

As a former audiologist I have preached about the evils of using Qtips to anyone I know and love (screw the people I hate. they get everything they deserve by using the white ear dildos of death). Despite this Darren continues to use them in my home. Ok, whatev. Just don't do it in my presence and don't let the kids see you using them. I was awaken (awoken?) to the following:

D: I'm going to go work out. Can you get up with the kids?

Me: grunt

D: Oh, and can you get a piece of broken Qtip out of my ear?

Me: No.

D: What? Why not? (acting as though getting a Qtip out of his ear is the most natural thing in the world to ask his Qtip hatin' ex-audiologist of a wife)

Me: No, you need to have the shame of going to Urgent Care to get it unlodged. Plus (as I might have mentioned) this is against everything I stand for.

D: There's no way in hell I will ever go to Urgent Care to get this out. It will live in my ear until it disintegrates or grows an ear scented candle.

Me: Fine, but I'm not using the needle nose plyers you have in your hand.

D: I couldn't find the tweezers.

Me: I'll get them, and you're paying me a co-pay (rat-bastard).

FYI: The procedure was a success and I'm pretending he learned his lesson.